The other day I read on post on Until I Get Married entitled I Never Stopped Caring. Now this post really got to me. Now I know some of you think I’m incapable of possessing emotional ties for members of the opposite sex, but that’s just not the truth. Unbeknownst to most I have been in relationships. I will admit my relationships may be a tad bit unorthodox in nature and they generally don’t carry titles but a relationship can simply be defined as an emotional connection between people (look it up). That I have had.
Anyhow, so the post was about how when you break up you still care about the person and you want to know about their well being. But generally (because it’s the rules) communication tends to cease which makes it virtually impossible to keep up with one another.
My initial reaction to the post was, “man, I am so here with you.” which is so contradictory. Mainly due to the fact that I am usually the person who enforces said rules. When we break up (yes, all my unorthodox non-traditional titleless relationships have ended with break ups) I don’t want to talk to you. Quite frankly, not talking to you is a need; all ties must be severed. I need total and complete separation to move on. So no, we can’t meet up from time to time. No, it’s ok to text me. No, I don’t want to be your facebook friend. Do you know how intrusive fb can be? I don’t want to see your status update or look at your new pics. I don’t care what’s going on in your life and you shouldn’t care what’s going on in mine. Now, I don’t feel like this forever but I need at least a good six months (sometimes more).
But you see what happens is after this period of not needing/wanting to know about the person is over so much time has passed that communicating is awkward. Now that I have passed through all my stages of grief and communicating with you doesn’t cause me to move five steps back, so much time has passed that a random text from me just seems inappropriate. I mean I’ve spent all this time avoiding running into you, ignoring your name when it pops up on the IM, and denying your friend request that I have no clue what to say or what your response is going to be. I mean, “Hey, it’s me; yeah I know I said I never wanted to talk to you again but I’m over it now. I just wanted to see how you were doing.” Just doesn’t seem like it would go over that well. So even though I still care and I’m at the point where I can care I can’t break the rules I so adamantly enforced. So even though I have the urge to call you up just to check in, you know tell you what’s new with me, find out what’s new with you, I just can’t. So in those brief moments when I cross your mind just know you cross mine as well.
Real talk (lol), you sound childishisly immature on this one...I'm hoping you're no longer carrying that same thought process
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous, could you further explain your comment? I'm somewhat confused on how this thinking process is childishly immature? No, attutide or anything should be inferred, just like to see others view point.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes the awkward dance. And, here's where the confustion lies. The only relatiosnhip you know with that person is the one that needs to be severed, so its pretty hard to create a new platonic relationship with appropraite friendship boundaries. And, as women we're emotional creatures, so even in a simple response to a "how was your weekend question" could bring up all types of feelings that you thought you dealt with. Now you're in a converation you don't want to be in and you're left "acting" like you fine for the duration of the convo, but all that's running through your mind is "Aww, he said he went to the reservior.. I remember we went there, he would get a choclate chip cookie dough double dip cone and I would get a strawberry milkshake." Now, you back sad... swag all off.. Lawd, Lawd...Smh. Better off leaving that door closed.