Hired Help

I have a part time gig through a nanny service where I’m a temporary nanny.  Generally nanny is synonymous to babysitter, which is what I normally am. You know the folks leave for a few hours; they don’t have a regular sitter so they call and I watch the kids.  Well this weekend I was a full fledge nanny.  I had a few revelations from this gig. I’m going to warn you right now that this blog is pretty random so try your best to follow along.

Revelation number 1- I am pretty uppity

This one was hard for me because I don’t really consider myself to be uppity but I really am. I mean not in a bad way to where I look down on others (well I’m sure I do that at times) but I don’t consider myself better than anyone.  A couple of things happened to make me realize this. When the lady first told me that basically I will be with her and the children during the day and that she and her husband would go out at night either after the children were in bed or shortly before I was super crunk (do ppl still say that?). So you are going to pay me to explore DC with you and your children? I’m so down! That is until it’s time to actually explore DC and it hits me, I’m the hired help. Now, the lady and her husband never treated me like hired helped; they were extremely nice and treated me like family.  And when people asked if we met in college, (b/c we’re around the same age.  More on that later) her response was, “no, she’s helping me with the kids because I just had surgery.” And it really seemed as though I was walking around with my friend and her two kids. However, since I knew I was hired help it made me feel a little uncomfortable.

The other thing that happened was in casual conversation she asked me if I had children.  Now when she asked this my face was all kinda of tore up. She was like oh ok not yet, I understand. At that point I realized my facial expression was a mess and that she misread it, which was probably the best. When she asked me that the first thing that came to mind was, “lady, do you really think I would be here with you and your kids if I had kids of my own?” However, I had to check myself because people with children watch other people’s kids every day. How dare I think it’s so above me to make that kind of sacrifice.

Revelation number 2- I’m not ready to be married and have a family

As I stated above the lady is close to my age. She’s 29 and is married with two children. We lead completely different lives. While she’s running around finding nanny’s, scheduling field trips, filling backpacks with snacks and pampers, and scheduling dinner with associates I’m watching her children, writing a blog, and looking at this basketball game. I’m sure she loves her life just as it is but I love mine too and I don’t want to trade places.

But it’s more than that. She and I were having a discussion and she was telling me how she used to be a professional classical singer and dancer. But when she had kids she had to give up that life because she didn’t think she could be a good performer and a good mom at the same time. She still performs from time to time but basically she’s a stay at home mom. Here’s the part that got me. She went on to say that she made the decision without hesitation but here she is three years later, 29 going on 30 and she has to find something to do with herself. She said she’s lost herself. She had an identity before she was a wife and a mother and she lost that. So she’s trying to find another career that is suitable to being a professional, a wife, and a mother. She went on to say she doesn’t regret the decision she made because she loves her family but she has to find the time to find herself again.  This is not somethingthat I personally I want to go through, especially not at 29. I kinda feel like the older I am I will already have some since of accomplishment so it won’t be like I’m trading something in for the other it will be like I’m starting a new chapter in my life.

Revelation number 3 – Children may not be for me

Now, I’ve been known to say I don’t know if I want kids and no one ever believes me because I have a motherly personality. Well, I’m serious. I mean I’m sure when I get married if my husband like, “have baby by me baby be a millionaire” I’m going to be like, “alright”. But I’m saying if he doesn’t say that, I’m not sure I’ll press the issue. What I am sure of is that I can’t have twins or stair step children. I’m going to need a good 2.5 to 3 years in between each child or else I’m not doing it. If I happen to get pregnant with a second or third child any sooner, I’m throwing in the towel. I quit and he’s going to have to find someone else to raise those kids because I’m just not doing it.