Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.This definition right here or ideology so to speak is exactly why I haven’t been in love. I have yet to be with someone who I feel can/will love me this way. This is the type of love I long for, this is the type of love I will so willing offer, therefore this is the type of love I deserve and expect in return. I refuse to give my heart to anyone who is offering less.
But what’s so unfortunate is often times you hear people say you can’t help who you love. I honestly don’t believe this. I feel love is a choice. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t think you just “fall in love”. Basically, I don’t think love just happens. I will say I kinda believe you can’t necessarily help who you like or who you are attracted to. But like/attraction does not equate to love. Love is something that has to be cultivated. Once again it doesn’t just happen.
I think love is a process that goes something like this:
Step 1: guy/girl like each other
Step 2: guy/girl decide they want to get to know each other
Step 3: guy/girl make a conscious decision to start dating
Step 4: guy/girl make a conscious effort to start spending more time together
Step 5: guy/girl make a conscious effort to get to know each other even better
Step 6: guy/girl consciously decide they want to become an item
Step 7: guy/girl consciously start spending more and more time together
As couples continue to make steps such as these they are nurturing this emotion we call love. As you see the only step that doesn’t have anyone making a decision is step 1, but all the other steps are your choice. You choose to spend time with people. You choose to get to know someone. You choose to open up and divulge your secrets. You choose to become vulnerable. You choose to let someone see the real you. You choose to give someone your heart. Everything leading up to love is your choice.
You don’t fall in love with someone the moment you meet them. You don’t love someone you haven’t spent any time with. After getting to know a person and spending time with them you start to develop affection which in time can turn into love.
Sadly, I think a lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love so after a few encounters with a person they trick themselves into believing they are really in love; which is so not the case. They may genuinely care about the person or even be infatuated, but in love…not so much. Love is not one of the emotions like happiness or sadness that may just come and go on a whim. I believe that love is much deeper. Now I know I have no authority on this topic. However, I also know that I have not put myself in situations to where I would just “fall” in love.
In one sense I feel ya on a theoretical level, but on the flip side, waiting/expecting someone to love you like 1 Cor 13 will leave you waiting forEVER...it's up to you to exude those characteristics and not 'wait' for the satisfying signal from the other person. Plus, all those things listed in the Bible are not done in a vacuum...so the practical side is more frightening than expecting
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous, I feel your comment.
ReplyDeleteI believe there are different types and stages of love. I love my momma, that is not the same love I have for my partner. When you first marry someone, you are not at 1 Cor 13. You migh think you are, but you are not. You are making a conscious decision to strive for 1 Cor 13. B/c if you ask a married couple if you love your partner like you did when you first married them, more often than not, the answer will be no. It'll be something like "Oh, no I love them more." B/c love is in stages, it's a roller coaster, there are highs and lows.
Remember there is a difference between loving someone, being in love with someone, and doing both.