Forgive and __________

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget” - Thomas S. Szaza

People always say forgive and forget but as humans, we don’t really forget. I mean, we may eventually forget after a significant amount of time has passed (depending on the offense) but it’s not like, “oh, I forgive you so I’m going to forget every crappy thing you’ve done to me.” NO!! That’s not real. 

When I say I forgive you it does not mean things automatically go back to the way they were; it simply means I’m over it. I am ready to move on. In most cases (because I am such a forgiving person) this will happen immediately and we will remain friends. However, there will be an asterisk placed next to your name with the footnote saying, “be careful”. In extreme cases it means though I will eventually forgive you, the tie has been severed. When I see you I will be cordial (because that’s how I was raised) but nothing more.  

In any case, forgiveness is essential to getting rid of baggage. Remember you have to forgive for YOU. But just because you forgive doesn’t mean you have to act as though nothing ever happened. That’s just not how life works.   

Man, maybe I am getting older!

Confession:

• Some Fridays I'm in bed by like 11:00. 
• I cooked too much ham over Christmas so we froze it. 
• Two days ago I thawed out a couple of pieces of that ham and ate it with leftover vegetables. 
• I absolutely love when JCPennys has towels, pillows, and sheets on sale (feel free to inform me if you see it in the circular). 
• The other day I bought Christmas ornaments just because they were on sale (and they were pretty of course).
• I prefer to listen to the oldies station more than not.
• I hear phrases that my mom used to say coming out of my mouth.

So, what does this all mean!?!? Yep, you guessed it. I'm getting older (please note I said older not old). And you know what; I'm perfectly fine with it! Getting older means living, learning, and in my case enjoying life!


(singing)
I don't know what's gonna happen
that's alright with me
I open up my eyes and I embrace the mystery
(repeat)


Anyone not afraid to confess what makes them stop and think, "Man, maybe I am getting older!"

My Addiction

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There is no factual information in the contents of this post. Everything is based solely on the opinion of the author.

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As most of you have heard, supposedly Tiger (yes we are on a first name bases) is in rehab for sexual addition. Now, I don't know about you but I just don't think that man is addicted to sex. I think he's rich and has had an unlimited supply for so long that it's become a norm. I also think him and/or his publicist are very intelligent so they are using this whole addiction as damage control.

Well guess what… I aint buying it! I'm still up in the air on this whole sex addiction thing to begin with. Yes, I've been told it's an addiction just like anything else. But, I mean how does one become addicted to sex? Or better yet how do find out you're addicted to sex? Are you just sitting down one day and say, "Whoa, I think I'm a sex addict!" Or do you wait until you get in some kind of trouble and then say, "You know, I can't really help it. I'm addicted." I don't know anyone (who is openly) addicted to sex but in my opinion it's usually the latter. All the famous sex addicts that I know of just so happen become addicts when their "drug of choice" gets them in trouble.

Being the education person that I am, I tried to look at this in a variety of ways. Maybe we don't hear about sex addicts that often because it's so taboo; maybe, there are millions of people silently suffering (yet coping) with this unspoken disease. I just don't know. I mean everyone has that drunk uncle, or that cousin who overeats, and unfortunately most of us know a junkie or two. But how many people have an aunt that's addicted to sex!?!? Most addictions that we know of to date were not necessarily always publicly addressed in the past but people dealt with them privately. I know there was a time before AA but everyone knew Uncle Ray drank a little too much a little too often.

So I blame the man! Well not the man so to speak but society. Of course people think of sex all the time, it's everywhere. Everyone is hypersexed; even M&M's are sexual these days! I work with little kids and they're exposed to so much sex it's ridiculous! I can see how if someone has been exposed to sex on a regular basis for years, then has a chance to play out most of their fantasies effortlessly for years can think they are addicted. I mean if I had money, I would most definitely be a shopaholic. But I don't (shoulder slump. sigh) so I'm not.

***********************************DISCLAIMER********************************

I am very sorry if anyone is offended by this post. I know there are people who suffer with addictions and do not mean to take this topic lightly. However, as this is my blog I am permissible to speak on things even if I'm not knowledgeable about the topic. Therefore zero amount of research went into this post and I could be completely wrong. But….Ignorance is bliss!

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Happiness

Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. - Nathaniel Hawthorne

Confession: Recently I went through an unhappy phase. I wasn't depressed or anything and I don't think people could really tell because I masked it well (I think). But I wasn't my usual happy self on the inside. I tried everything to be happy again but nothing worked. So I just stopped and said my joy will come back in due time. And guess what, it did!!!! I just woke up one day completely overjoyed! It wasn't anything I did, it wasn't anything anyone else did, it just came back on its own. So there you have it folks my smile truly comes from within. 

Oh, completely unrelated but in Honor of Dr. King and all of the ancestors please ask yourself this question: Am I taking advantage of the privileges someone died for me to have or am I simply taking them for granted?

What's a star when your most important fan is missing.

Like most of you I’ve heard the song Say Something by Timberland featuring Drake a million or so times. However, the other day I actually listened to it. And this line automatically jumped out at me, “What’s a star when his most important fan is missing?” Now I know when Drake wrote this he was referring to a “superstar” and a “boo.” Well I’m not a superstar and I don’t have a boo but this quote really touched me; like it stayed with me for a while.

Like me, everyone’s a star in their own right (well, I can only speak for the people I associate with). Everyone has a most important fan/s whether it is a significant other, your family, or close friends. That is why this quote got me. I mean really, how important am I if my most important fan/s is missing?  

In your quest for “stardom” there may be times when you have to make selfish decisions and that’s ok.  But make those cases the exception. Never forget the people who stood by you and held you up during your climb. I have been blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people. I am so very grateful for the role each individuals plays in my life. Those of you who know me know how important people are to me. If I didn’t have great people around me (along with Jesus) I just don’t know where I would be.  

The people say, “It’s lonely at the top”. But I say, “The top is only as lonely as you make it”.  

Experience ≠ Baggage

In my last post I talked about getting rid of old baggage. I would like clarify one thing, experience does not equal baggage. The old saying is to forgive and forget but who really forgets? Plus some experiences should be used as learning tools.

True story: The first time I ever tried to smother pork chops I forgot to drain the grease before I poured the water in the skillet. So the stove basically caught on fire. I turned off the stove, walked out of the kitchen, and prayed the fire would go out. Thankfully Jesus answers prayer and when I returned a couple of seconds later the fire was gone. Yes, I literally almost burnt down the house and yes, I walked away from the kitchen. Silly (or insert your own word), I know. But the point is I learned from that experience.

Experience vs. baggage

Because that experience was so traumatic I was afraid to cook smothered pork chops for a long time. That is what I call baggage; an experience you carry with you that prevents you from moving forward.

However, I am very intrigued by the whole smothering process. I mean you lightly fry pork chops, drain grease, onions and water, cover, and let simmer for a while and then you get these tender pork chops that are lightly smothered with gravy. I’m honestly fascinated by the whole thing.  So eventually I tried again! Seeing as though I almost caught the house on fire once, I will never forget to drain the grease. That is an experience; something you learn from and move forward.

Alright, I know most of you could care less about my pork chop incident so we’ll use something more relevant (since this is my blog I’ll put myself out there).

I have a knack for ending up in undefined relationships. I go into every situation saying, “Ok, I usually live in the gray area but I don’t want to do that anymore so at some point we are going to have to define exactly what we’re doing”.  When I state this a lot of men will automatically think, “Oh goodness, here we go with the baggage!” But it’s not baggage. I have experience with undefined relationships. I know how they end and I don’t like it. So it’s perfectly fine for me to say I’ve done this before and this is not what I want. In the past I found myself repeating this ugly pattern because I, myself thought it was baggage as well. So I would say, “You know, you’re right this may end differently”. Not so much! Baggage would be me just throwing in the towel and shunning every guy who tried to talk to me.That’s not the case.

It was however an experience I had to (currently) learn from. If my experience tell me I’m not going to like how this end why would I keep doing it? We all know the famous quote, “if you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.”

Some experiences shouldn’t be repeated. And that’s ok. That’s actually better than ok, that’s just having common sense. If you have an experience that you don’t happen to like you can remember where it went wrong and in the future (please note future means you are moving forward) you can do something different. Actually it’s your responsibility to do something different.

Cleaning out the closet

I decided that today would be dedicated to cleaning up. My first order of business was the closet. I think most females will agree that cleaning out the closet it a rather difficult task. I mean I obviously like my clothes seeing as though I bought them. So it’s really hard to part with them. But everyone has that shirt they never got a chance to wear, that dress they haven’t worn in about a year, or the clothes they just can’t fit anymore.

My first order of business was getting rid of clothes I can’t fit anymore. This should have been very easy; I mean every girl would love to get rid of something because it’s too big. But as I stated before I really like my clothes so this was very hard. I had to try on each individual item to see if it looked too big. You know, see if I could wear it without looking sloppy. Then I thought well, what’s going to happen when I gain my weight back? I’m going to need these clothes.  

Why would I want to keep clothes that don’t fit anymore in anticipation of gaining back weight that I worked so hard to lose? Is that not crazy?!?!  I mean, I never really considered myself to be a big person but I knew I could be smaller without looking sickly. But even still…is that not crazy!?!?

At that moment it hit me, cleaning out your closet is just like getting rid of baggage. Why is it so hard for us to let go?? I just don’t know!!!!

Alright, so I know I made a post earlier about not having a new year’s resolution, well that has changed. My new year’s resolution is to get rid of any negative baggage I may be carrying around. As of today it’s gone!

And just to prove it I want you to know there is nothing in my closet that I can’t fit anymore AND I listened to Adele’s cd today and instead of turning it off because it’s sooo depressing I appreciated the wonderfulness of it!!! (exhaling)  J

Thank You Kindly!

Holidays are one of the many perks that come with being a teacher. I cannot lie; I absolutely love when the kids shower me with gifts. But more than that, I love how my kids respond to thank you cards. I mean their reaction just floors me! It’s so delightful to see their faces light up when I hand them this little rectangular piece of nothing (in my opinion). Honestly, there is nothing like seeing so much gratification for something so simple.

I write this to say, you don’t know how much an effortless act such as saying thank you can affect a person. Something so mundane to you may brighten someone’s day. Like I say all too often, it really is the little things in life!!!!

Count Your Blessings

I am currently reading Letter to My Daughter by Maya Angelou. There is a chapter where she discusses how she thought she was going crazy. She went to her vocal coach and he told her to write down all of her blessings. At first she was upset with him because she was going crazy and he was talking about writing down blessing but he told her the first couple to write and she finished it and she felt better. I was really moved by this because although I’m not going crazy, on rare occasions I find myself having mini pity parties. So I decided to give the exercise a try and I wanted to share a couple.

I am blessed with a loving family – I have never really taken my family for granted because I know everyone does not have the support that I have. And just in case I so happen to forget my profession reminds me constantly of the blessing I have.  And not just immediate family, I have a very strong extended family. I am very grateful for the family God blessed me with.

I am blessed with wonderful friends – I have the best friends anyone could ask for. This one is really big for me because it took me a while to really understand the importance of great friends. Thankfully I am able to experience the true meaning of friendship. The best thing about this blessing is it continues to grow.  I know people always say you only have a few good friends. But I think I have been blessed with a little more than most.

I am blessed with a job that a love – At first I was just going to put a job because in our country's current condition there are a lot of people out of work.  So yes, I am blessed with a job. But even more so I am blessed with a job that I absolutely love. Now, I’ll admit I would love not having to work but since I have to do it… I can’t see myself doing any else. Even on mornings when I don’t feel like going in, one of the kids will say or do something to remind me that my job is so much bigger than me. Knowing that I am making a difference is someone’s life daily is more than enough to keep me going!

I am blessed with decent finances – I say descent because that’s just what they are, decent.  A lot of people are having financial crisis and fortunately I’m not on that list and that is a blessing. I am able to pay my rent, bills, insurance, get groceries, pay my tithes, and get my hair done so all my needs are met (Yes, I included hair in my list of need). On occasions I am able to enjoy some of my wants as well. This indeed is a blessing.

I am blessed with a high sense of self worth – I’m not sure if I said that right but I really like me.  And that is a blessing because there are a lot of people who don’t like themselves. I just think my life would be miserable if I didn’t like who I was. And not in the “ooh I think I’m all that” kind of way. But I mean I just like the person I am. I think I have good personality, I’m pretty intelligent, I can hold a descent conversation,  I’m fun to be around, and my humor is getting better daily (I really used to struggle with being funny).  So yes I am blessed to love me!

As you can imagine my list could go on and on because I am truly a blessed individual. I am very thankful for this. This was a very pleasurable activity for me. It’s something I think everyone should try.

Resolution

So I don't have a New Year's Resolution. Is that bad? 2009 was a pretty good year for me. I mean it definitely had its ups and downs but that's life. Everyone has these, "oh, I want to lose weight" or "I want to be a better person" or "I'm going to do big things" blah blah blah I think I'm pretty good. Maybe I think too highly of myself idk. I do have goals that I'm working towards and everything but that's a continual process not something I doing just for the new year. Maybe I need more self reflection.